My Kingdom Awaits
by Jcthegirl
Summary: Sometimes, the only things you can give are false promises. Axel/Xion friendship, oneshot.


_**A/N**: Not particularly shippy or anything. You can take it as romance or whatever, but it's more in a friendship way :U Set sometime when both know she has to return to Sora and stuff.  
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><p><em><strong>My Kingdom Awaits<strong>_

_"Tell the world I'm coming home."_

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><p>Xion didn't know why, but her feet subconsciously dragged her from bed and propelled her down the hall. Her feet gaining a mind of their own at that time of night would normally irritate her beyond all reason, but there wasn't anything normal about her current state.<p>

She was leaving. It was only a matter of days, maybe even hours or minutes. She had planned to rest, planned to make the most of her last few days there, but apparently her feet had other ideas and wanted to carry out her plans at night.

"Xion?"

The delayed response finally came to her, and she realized she had stopped and was standing motionless in the doorway of someone's room. Just hovering there, staring in and past the room as if she was completely asleep. Apparently, this someone was still awake in the silent hours of night, something unusual when she registered who it was.

"Xion," Axel called, as if to wake her from troubled sleep.

"Axel," she said, surprise smothered over by grogginess. The slightest hint of amusement ran over his weary features, and he ran a hand slowly through his unkempt hair.

"Surprised?"

"Um..." She continued to stand there, swaying a little. Why exactly was she here again? "I just... came..."

"Just came, huh?" When she made no move to enter or leave, he sighed a little but retained some of that amusement. "If you just came, you might as well come in too."

She shuffled in at the invitation, soon finding herself stopped in the middle of the room, unsure. It occurred to her that it was her first time in his room. Not that it looked any different than her room or Roxas' room, but it still had that sense and sharp scent of him. She looked around wonderingly, each eyelid following the other in hazy hesitation. The sight of her sleepy state was enough to make him emit a low chuckle.

"What did you come here for?" His tone was not unfriendly in the least, but Axel could be like that when he wanted, straightforward and cutting to the chase by using some of his forceful aura in his words.

"I... I don't know," she murmured honestly.

"No one wanders around in the middle of the night for no reason," he pushed.

After thinking about it for a quiet minute, she mumbled still without confidence, "I'm leaving."

She didn't mean she was leaving right then and there, but the leaving he already knew about.

"No." Whether that was a response indicating she answered the question incorrectly, that he wasn't going to allow her plans, or some combination of the two, Xion was unsure. "Why are you here?" he repeated.

"I don't _know_," she repeated more forcefully than last. "Maybe it was to say goodbye; I just came, I don't know..."

Both she and Roxas always didn't know. And when it came to it, when she finally was granted the knowledge she had been searching for, she had to do something like this. Say goodbye to one of the people she loved with all the heart that wasn't truly hers to begin with.

Ignorance is bliss, as they say. If she had never discovered truth, would she have been able to protect herself from it? No, it would have found her eventually—sometimes destiny and truth liked to merge their star-crossed paths together.

Axel kept silent for a long time. His intense gaze didn't make her uncomfortable, it hadn't for a long while, but it served to send tears running down her cheeks. They blocked an apology from rising from her throat, and she had an internal weak laugh at tears' inexplicable capability to keep her from talking, even when they flowed from only her eyes.

She wished to express that crying was not his fault, that it was the thought of never feeling his gaze, however harsh it may have been, on her again. Never hearing Roxas ask another question; never hearing Axel laugh at it; never hearing the sound of plaintive crows and tolling bells and far-off trains; never feeling the warmth of perpetual sunset and the simple brushing by of shoulders and the ice cream dripping over her warm gloves and the occasional nudge between friends... She could list everything she would miss forever. It all drove her over the edge into an overflow of salty drops—not the kind that slid over her fingers in the crimson gaze of sunset—and an involuntary shuddering of shoulders.

"Xion. Xion, look at me."

She struggled to lift her head for her friend through the shivering sobs.

"Now come here."

Obediently following Axel's soft words, she pulled herself in front of him. He sat up so he was eye to eye with her. His hand brushed against her cheek and gently wiped away the tears.

"Why are you crying?"

"B-because I have to leave, and I want to, but I don't want to at the same time..." she choked out, almost wishing for the moment that she actually was Nobody so she couldn't cry.

"You don't have to leave."

"It would be selfish for me not to."

"No, it wouldn't. You're far from selfish, Xion. Far from it. Who ever said that giving up your life was the only way to go, the only unselfish thing left for you to do?" Her thoughts flickered back to Riku, but she could never blame him. He had been her friend, offered her advice, and now she was putting it to good use.

"But I _am_ selfish, Axel!" she burst, hands shoving away his and trying to find a way to express her thoughts through waving gestures. "Sometimes, I-I think about how much I hate Sora, and how unfair everything is, how he will always be the one to have his friends, but not me; how we had to live a life as part of the Organization; how I could love both of you with everything that I have and still not keep you-"

"Just stop," he said hoarsely, and as her thoughts whirled, he pulled her into a tight embrace against him on the edge of the white bed. "Just stop. If you're selfish, I must be the most selfish non-being in the entire multiverse who kicks innocent puppies for a living and steals candy from cute babies for a good laugh."

She laughed weakly against his chest despite herself, fingers grabbing handfuls of his coat.

"How do you see so much good in me and bad in yourself? My entire existence's purpose... is to hurt Roxas... And all you've ever done was try to help us," she cried quietly against him.

"How do _you_ see good in me and bad in yourself? I'm a Nobody, the equivalent of physical selfishness. I've lied and hurt others so many times I can't count. I'm even being selfish by trying to keep you here. Yet you're willing to give up your life for someone you've never met."

They would never have reached an agreement over that, so they made a silent agreement to leave the argument behind.

Axel gently pulled her up beside him. He leaned against the wall with her sitting sideways between his legs, her knees drawn to her chest. His right hand clutched her head to his chest protectively, and his chin rest atop her head and drew her in as well so all she could see was folds of coat and its cold silver zipper.

Xion turned her head into him and spoke into his chest again. "What do you think it will be like, when I disappear?"

"Don't talk about it like that," he replied with a hint of anger. Xion chose to ignore his demand.

"Where will my heart go?"

"Maybe to the same place as mine. It'll wait for you, so you can get it back one day. Hearts are like that."

Suddenly, as if to change the subject, he held her tighter and stroked her hair over and over, slowly and comfortingly. Her eyes shut tight painfully to close the dam on her emotions, and her breathing staggered.

"Please, don't do this..." she begged quietly. "You're making it harder than it is."

"I've always been one to make things more difficult, haven't I?"

"But I'm going to leave..." She was close to tears. Why would he still want her there? _How _could he? She was going to leave him, just how she was going to leave Roxas. Roxas would never understand, at least not while she still lived, but Axel had always understood, even when he pushed away the fact that he did.

"You know I won't let you." The calm and steady stroke of his hand was like the heartbeat he didn't have. "I'll do whatever it takes to not let you. If it means you and Roxas will stay, I'll be your enemy, and you have no say in that. You can keep running, but I'll always be there to bring you back."

His words carried a definite threat, an obvious one. Ironically, she was genuinely touched by it. But her mind was made up, and nothing he could say would ever change it. And she was sure he knew that, so he simply told her. How strange it would have been to hear those words uttered so matter-of-factly and even soothingly from anyone other than Axel.

"Thank you..." She almost feared her words were lost in the folds of his coat, but he chased them away with his voice before her fears could come into being.

"Thank you? For a threat?"

"No. For a promise." A promise she would never let him keep, but a promise all the same.

"Promises are meant to be kept. Not to be broken by the one you promised to." He paused, and then whispered into her ear though he knew it did no good, "Why can't you just play by the rules? I'm the one who breaks all the rules around here. Not you."

"I learned from the best." A chuckle bubbled up in her throat amidst tears and struggling breaths. It soon died away when the thought of the future crashed through her mind. "I should go."

"You're not going anywhere. Apparently, I've made a promise. I can at least make sure I keep it tonight." His fingers never once stopped running through her hair, and his other hand just pulled her closer so she couldn't rip away.

"I have to go home, Axel..." she whispered. It wasn't long before she had fallen asleep to the lull of his steady breathing and the fingers massaging her hair. He leaned over to breathe into her ear.

"Then for now, this will be your home."

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><p><em>"And my kingdom awaits, and they've forgiven my mistakes."<em>

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><p><em>Wouldn't it be terrible to know you're going to die (well, disappear) and your friend knew as well, but neither could do anything about it? ;_;<em>

_Inspired by this heartbreaking picture— ( h t t p : /touch. pixiv. net/member_illust. php?mode=medium&illust_id= 23984476 ),_  
><em>by the song I'm Coming Home, and this AMV— ( <span>h t t p :www. Youtube .com/watch?v=gzH3UuLz5Dw&list=FL3JZtFcwapru13ds4S5uLvg&index=3&feature=plpp_video )—though it has nothing to do with Kingdom Hearts. Still, it makes one respect soldiers and their jobs (though it's an anime, and one that I haven't gotten to watch XD). Wonder if I can even get these links to work... /fails_

_Well, I hope you enjoyed, and your reviews always make my day. :)  
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